that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
