JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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