The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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