"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
