I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
