I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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