So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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