lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
