so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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