idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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