we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
