I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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