yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
