It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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