we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
