mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
