Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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