She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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