and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
