you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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