That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
