I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
