There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
