Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
