please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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