there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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