i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
