Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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