She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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