you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
