R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
