I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
