ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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