How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
