Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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