I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize