Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need moral support for this bender
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
