I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
