So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
