he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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