This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
