There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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