Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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