I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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