Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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