I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.