Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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