Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
