I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm like, not good at living.
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