Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
