Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
