Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
