I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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