I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
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Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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