That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
