You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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