My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm having to shit out rocks
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