Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize