did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
