Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
