Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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