Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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