We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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