Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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