i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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