And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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